make peace with housework blog

A non-washer upper’s guide to washing up

Sat, 31 Jul 2010 12:52:55 +0100

I recently wrote a guest blog post for my Twitter friend Alison Bayne, (founder of the excellent Mumtopia blog) on the not-so-glamourous subject of ...washing up. (Or, for my American friends, ‘doing the dishes’.)
But this can be a much-loathed chore for many people, not just us mums, so here’s the blog post again for MPWH readers: 
“A woman's just too tired to think  about the dirty old dishes in the kitchen sink.”  Eurythmics
The washing-up. Love it? Or hate it?
I once had a conversation with a man who couldn't understand why there were dirty pots in my sink. He asked me, in all sincerity, "Don't you like washing-up?" All I could offer in response was a Homer Simpson-esque blank stare. Like washing-up? What on earth was he talking about? He went on to explain that when he got home from work, he actually found it quite relaxing to put his hands in a bowl of hot soapy water and gaze happily out of the kitchen window as he got on with the washing up.
That was something of a revelation for me - I'd previously assumed that everyone loathed the dreaded washing-up and that some just got on with it more successfully than others. This lead me to the conclusion that I belonged to the latter camp - Washing-up Avoider. In psychological circles, they would call it resistance. Whereas certain (unsympathetic) family members may refer to it as laziness. Whatever the label, I'm not a natural born washer-upper. Which is fine, we all have varying strengths and weaknesses. However due to a constantly grazing family, a comprehensive recycling regime and an aversion to putting plastic in the dishwasher, in my kitchen there is a never-ending stream of items to be washed.
So what to do?
Well, it has taken many years of messy kitchens for me to come up with an approach that helps (most of the time). This approach uses two ideas. The first idea is a perennial favourite of mine - delegation. I am blessed with dishwasher but for years I only made minimal use of it. However, I've come to realise that I could, and should, exploit it as much as possible.
Whereas before, I would leave large items by the sink, awaiting a willing washer-upper (usually a lengthy wait, in my home...), nowadays, I shove anything and everything in there (except plastic) and set the poor thing running almost constantly. This tactic has been particularly successful in keeping the kitchen sink clear (ish), but happily the dishwasher seems to like it too! It performs much better when used regularly than if it is left for a day or so. I believe they call this a win-win.
My second plan of attack is to analyse the time:angst ratio of the wash-up-now-or-later dilemma. I find a sink full of pots mildly depressing. If my kitchen is a state, the sight of it can really effect my mood. It's a downer. In fact, I have come to believe that, since I work from home, the state of my kitchen has a mysterious link with how my day will go. Feng shui enthusiasts would be able to explain this link but even without evidence from the invisible realm, if a messy kitchen gets me down, that's bound to have repercussions throughout my day. (I'm a big advocate of the mood=attitude=results school of thought, so for a successful and happy life, I try to eliminate causes of bad moods wherever possible.)
So, I have developed a habit of assessing the time required to regain my clean kitchen and then compare this to the misery I will encounter if I don't. When you consider the job in these terms it becomes obvious what to do. You can spend approximately 10/15 minutes doing work (that you will have to do anyway) or you can leave it and allow it to make you depress/overwhelm you for the rest of the day. I find this analysis very helpful in deciding whether to bother.
When you attach the result (clean kitchen) to something appealing (happier life), you become naturally motivated. Sometimes this is all it takes to make that all-important move tap-wards. Even better, the more you do this, the easier it gets! One day, you may even find that you have already finished the washing-up before it even occurred to you that leaving it was an option. For the Washing-Up Avoider in search of more order and harmony, that habit is like the Holy Grail.
However, for some (like me on a bad day) the knee-jerk resistance to 'do it later' can be a strong one. There may days when you need heavier motivational artillery. So for an added boost, keep in mind that if you do power through your resistance and get on with it straightaway, it will probably take less time and effort. It's a route to spending less time at the kitchen sink - who in their right mind wouldn't want that?
You could also try harnessing the power of music. Create a playlist or CD compilation of upbeat music and get in the habit of putting it on after breakfast/dinner (whenever you are most tempted to step away from the awaiting dishes). Any chore becomes less unpleasant when combined with tunes you love to sing along to. (You can check out my Washing Up Playlist here).
Another powerful trick is to call to mind the happy feelings you will experience when the job is done. Maybe it's because I am such a washing-up phobic, but I find enormous pleasure in a beautiful, clean and tidy kitchen. It makes me smile. It even makes me more inclined to cook something nutritious or bake something calorific. Powerful results for an Undomestic Goddess like me. Picturing this happy scenario is a form of visualisation, a technique that drives Olympic athletes to the winners podium - so surely it can help with a few dirty pots and pans?
So there you have it. My Non-Washer-Upper's Guide To Washing-Up. And like all good converts I am evangelical about the benefits of claiming victory over your kitchen, so I really hope you'll give it a go.
As for me, I've got a dishwasher to empty...

A rainy day foray into Domestic Goddessness

Thu, 15 Jul 2010 13:49:28 +0100

By popular request, today’s post is a bit of an odd one for this blog...
It’s a recipe.
Not being your average domestic goddess, there are unlikely to be many more but since I was asked to post this, here it is.
It’s my method of producing that vital essential to domestic life - the flapjack.
Being on a gluten-free diet, I’m not a massive baker, but I can make this in my sleep and it goes down a storm at home, school, work etc. I have even had requests for it as a gift, so it must be reasonably edible.
So, if it’s as rainy where you are as it is here, why not banish the blues with a trayfull of yumminess?
(I realise it is not the healthiest of snacks, but most nutritionists recommend the 80/20 rule for optimum health and happiness. I could cheerfully devote my entire 20% window of calorific freedom to flapjacks. And quite often do.)
BTW Goes very well with a cup of tea and a sit down.

The Official Make Peace with Housework Flapjack Recipe

Add the following to a large pan:
One pack butter (250g)
400g sugar
4tbsp golden syrup
(I find it best not to look too closely at how much good/bad stuff goes into this...)
Warm these ingredients gently until the sugar is dissolved.

Meanwhile....
• Preheat your oven to 175 degrees
• Line a large shallow baking tray with greaseproof paper

Going back to your gorgeously gooey syrupy mixture....
• Add 2 or 3 handfuls of cornflakes and mix.
• Mix in oats gradually until there’s no runny stuff left.
• Spoon the mixture into the tray and flatten with a spoon.
• Transfer tray to oven then scrape and lick gooey pan/spoons.

Bake in an oven for 15-20 mins.
(Mine’s a fan oven but still sometimes needs 20 minutes. Check after 15 and see what you think.)
Allow to cool slightly before cutting. (If you can wait...)
Eat and enjoy!

Good luck - let me know how they turn out.

Danielle
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How I cope with toy clutter

Fri, 2 Jul 2010 13:42:08 +0100

This is a picture of my son, doing what he loves to do - fluffle his mummy’s hair. He has done this ever since he developed fine motor skills. When he was smaller, he used to do it while feeding. Some babies need a blanket or soft toy, my boy needed a handful of hair belonging to someone who loved him.
(Though, this did limit surrogate feeders somewhat. In fact, I did contemplate lopping off my locks and tying with a ribbon so he could be fed by persons without grabbable-length hair...)
So how does this picture help me cope with the fall-out of toys that litters my home?
Well, I look at this picture and feel vaguely sad. One day, he won’t want to fluffle my hair. He will grow out of it. Just like his older brother, who refused his mother’s hand yesterday, with a look of utter mortification. (Apparently it’s just not cool.)
And eventually, my Little Toy Tornado will also grow out of his toys. One day, all too soon for my liking, the toys will be abandoned as he moves onto more grown-up stuff; sports kits, small bleeping devices, girls... And I imagine that I’ll look back longingly at these toy-strewn small-child-rearing days and reflect on what a wonderful phase of motherhood it was - despite the mess.
So I try to bear all this in mind whenever I stand on a Go-go or I find a Power Ranger in my shoe. When I can’t sit on the the sofa without first clearing away the debris, I find it helps to consider the fleeting and precious nature of childhood. It keeps things in perspective.
Though it’s true that this phase of parenting is certainly full-on and at times exhausting, it is also utterly magical.
Perhaps a few toys about the place is not a bad price to pay.

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As always, I'd love to hear what you think!

Danielle
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Snaps vs snappy

Wed, 23 Jun 2010 18:44:56 +0100

I recently wrote a guest blog post for my Twitter friend Jo Belfield on the subject of photography, (Jo creates beautiful photos for a living).  I believe that having your favourite photos on display in your home can be a great antidote to the housework blues.
So, here’s the blog post again in case you didn’t catch it:

I recently embarked upon a full-day of housework.
This is not something I do very often. Not because I don't enjoy a clean and tidy home - I do, I love it. However, I find that Great Big Cleaning Efforts mess with my head. There's a very real danger that all the mindless domestic activity will result in a head-space of frustration, despair or low-level fury. (Or on a bad day, all three.) Admittedly there are far worse ordeals to be facing, but I don't think I'm alone in occasionally feeling the strain of home and family maintenance.
No, I am not the domestic type. Though I love being at home, (I include pottering on my list of hobbies) and I cherish being around my family, I am not a natural-born homemaker. For me, extended bouts of cleaning and tidying can lead to serious housework blues.
So unsurprisingly, on the day in question, my mood was slipping as I picked up the umpteenth abandoned sock. (For some reason, in my house there will be, at all times, a lone sock at large, quite often where you'd least expect it (on top of the TV, the fridge door handle...) and virtually never where you would hope (the vicinity of a laundry basket.)
Resigned to my fate, I scooped up the offending footwear with a weary sigh, mumbling darkly about it's owner. That's when I caught sight of my laptop. The lid was open and had gone into screen-saving mode, which displays my family photos at random. I was greeted by the happy, smiling face of Sock Owner.
My bad mood vanished in an instant. I smiled and actually felt my shoulders drop as I relaxed. This photographic reality check reminded of what was truly important in my life: my family, the people I love - not the work that comes with them. I immediately softened and forgave the reckless sock-slinging, feeling far less aggrieved with my lot.
That single picture was a perfectly-timed reminder of why I have such stuff to deal with - because I am blessed with a family. And even though the endless laundry, cooking, cleaning, tidying etc... does sometimes get me down, I wouldn't have it any other way. (Though I do look forward to bare-feet weather...)

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As always, I'd love to hear what you think!
Danielle
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PS There’s a whole chapter devoted to this subject in my book Housework Blues - A Survival Guide and if you haven’t already grabbed yourself a copy, you can sign up for free sample chapters here.

Help with the housework, anyone?

Thu, 17 Jun 2010 10:13:10 +0100

I am a big reader of business manuals and success books and I’d like to share one of the common threads that feature in the great majority, which I think can be safely summed up as follows:
get help!
It’s a simple idea; you focus on what you are good at, your natural talents and abilities, then you seek out ways to delegate the things that you struggle with or resent or do very, very badly.
Can you see where I’m going with this...?
Now, I’m guessing that anybody reading this blog would cheerfully delegate the vast majority of the housework schedule - if only that was an option. But I will also venture that many of us don’t delegate when we could or when - for the sake of home and family harmony - we really should find a way to do so.
Why is this? What’s true in the business world is often also true in the home and you wouldn’t dream of applying for a job doing something that you loathe or something you are really terrible at. When pursuing a career, usually the first question people ask themselves is, “What am I good at?”
Yet, in the home, we often just accept that since it needs doing, we ought to do it. But if the work is beyond your natural talents or empathies, it’s always going to feel like a struggle. There is much value in simply recognising this. Of course, it may be true that delegation is out of the question but strange things happen, once you become clear about what you do and don’t want to spend your life doing.
I have experienced this in both the professional realm and the home. In my work life, I recently reached a point where I needed to ‘learn PR’. I had discovered that my skills in this area were lacking, so, with the common belief that I have to do everything myself, I set off on the slow and bumpy road of learning it all from scratch.
Then, thanks to divine intervention, I stumbled across a website (Motivating Mums) where mums in business can be mentored by other mums in business - to fill in the gaps in their expertise. For a small fee (around £20) I could have a half-hour chat with a PR expert. Genius! So I signed up and tapped into my mentor’s wealth of PR experience - making more progress in that 30 minutes than I would have made in months, on my own.
So, I took this lesson from ‘the real world’ and applied it to my domestic stuff. How could I tap into and benefit from someone who has been there and done that?
Well, the obvious first resort was my bookshelf. I think books are an often overlooked form of mentoring. Yet the few hours it can take to read a great book can knock hours of your housework timetable.
For example, if you live in a hard water area (like I do), you could spend a fair amount of time battling stubborn limescale or watermarks. Or you could benefit from other’s experience and discover that vinegar is a secret weapon that could make your work much easier. (Thanks, Michael!)
This is just one example of how you can tap into a mentor’s expertise and also ‘outsource’ jobs that you would prefer to avoid.
This tactic is not only more pleasant than slogging your guts out doing work you despise, it’s also more efficient. You will tend to breeze through work you’re happy with much quicker and more successfully than stuff that puts you in a bad mood. So, why fight it? When possible either delegate or find someone who knows how to do it really well - and take advantage of their experience!
The internet has made it easier than ever to access this information. One shining example (pardon the pun) of a virtual housework mentor is the hugely popular FlyLady. On her website, you can opt in for varying degrees of coaching. These will both inspire and inform, encouraging you to go with your strengths and helping you to combat your weaknesses. Whatever gaps you have in your home-keeping talents, FlyLady has a wealth of information to help you. And much of it is free! So your only investment is your time - time that you will undoubtedly recoup in increased efficiency or reduced procrastination.
Alternatively, I’m a huge fan of my Virtual Declutter Mentor - Mimi Tanner. Her eBook and emails are full of little gems that make me wonder why I’ve been doing things the hard way! If clutter is one of your bugbears, Mimi has some great tips that can make busy family life so much easier to handle.
So, cast an enquiring eye over your schedule and look for any obvious areas where delegation is an option or where a mentor could short-cut your learning.
Housework is hard work! It makes sense to tap into anything that can lighten the load. Help truly is out there and it’s becoming more accessible than ever.
As they say in the business world: work smarter, not harder.
Or as my wonderful Motivating Mums mentor says, “Why do it the hard way when I can tell you all the short-cuts?”
Why indeed.

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As always, I'd love to hear what you think.
Danielle
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